Dear God/Santa/No One-You were so right about 2004

I cannot believe I missed out on yet another flame war.  What does a girl have to do around here to get flamed?

Oh well, I'm coming out of self-imposed diary exile to issue a Friday morning apology to the Power That, um, Is for ever doubting His/Her/Its Celestial Foresight.  She/He/It was so right about Bush.

Dear Entity-In-Whom-I-May-Or-May-Not-Believe,

Well, once again you have proven your infinite wisdom.  Years ago during a difficult period of my life I resigned myself to the fact that You (whoever You are) know best, and that everything that happens does so for a reason whether I understand that reason or not.  Once again I am humbled by Your Goodness.

I'll admit You really had me going there this past year.  I mean, what kind of an Omnipotent Mystical Omnipresent Force (OMOF) would allow such a complete tool to weasel his way into office again?  Christ, have you seen the assholes he associates with?!  That Dick guy could be the Dark One himself.  Come on!  I was very seriously in doubt of the Divine Karmic Rod of Justice still being operational.  Was the Rod just in the shop getting a tune-up?  Had the Rod been broken by a particularly hard swipe at Turdblossom?   Unholy crap--is Turdblossom's mojo so powerful that even the Rod couldn't hurt him?!  Lord forbid!  You gave me quite a scare.  But now I see the light.  You're doin' a heckuva job, Goddie.

Yep, it's all crystal clear now.  Your plan has been revealed and I am most impressed by it.  It appeals to the vengeful imp in me.  It also betrays a certain, shall we say, smiteful sense of humor in your Holyship.  If you don't mind my saying.  Please don't smite me.

I see now that to allow Drunkey Monkey to be defeated last year would have been a terrible mistake.  First there would have been the pitiful recriminations of cheating by poor disenfranchised Republicans.  "Those shifty libruls can't be trusted," would be echoed far and wide through the airwaves.  Then would come the hopeless logjam of obstructed policy initiatives by the new President.  Of course, they would just have to blame the Iraq quagmire on Democrats then.  

Oh sure, it would have been sweet to be able to appoint a couple of SC justices that were a little to the left of, say, Mussolini but we both know they would never have gotten through those old rich white men on the Senate Judiciary Committee.  Then the howls of "lame duck" would be the only sound we'd hear for the next four years.

Drunkey Monkey wouldn't have gone quietly into the night like a gracious loser, either.  That his petulance knows no bounds is obvious.  He would have been the toast of the poor disaffected Republicans for the next forty years, a kind of rockstar among the hopelessly unhip.  He would snipe and criticize and brag about how much better he would've done things, always with the little smirk.  He would have been half as powerful but twice as insufferable.  It makes my brain wince just thinking about it.  Ouch.

O Mighty One, how it must have pained you when the bragging of "political capital" began after the election.  Or did You just chuckle to Yourself, knowing the bleak future of that particular commodity?  Yes, Blessed Concierge of Destiny, things are much better this way.  Now that the deceit and machinations are exposed, this presidency is looking more and more familiar in a 1973 kinda way.  Infamy and disgrace were just the flavors needed to spice up this political stew.  Throwing in the weekly gossip rags was genius, by the way.  Clinton got it rough with the stories about Hillary leaving him and all, but when they start reporting about how you'll only speak to your mommy or surrogate mommies, that's cold.

Yes, these days my heart is so full of schadenfreud it could burst.  Don't get me wrong.  There's still room in there for more.  Like all liberals I come equipped with a large heart.  If I may be so bold as to make a request--I would really like to see some smackdown come Condi's way.  The woman was shoe shopping as people drowned in her own country!  A just punishment for all the shit she peddled to get other folks' children killed in the desert goes without saying.  I just found the shopping thing especially heinous and I loves me some shoes!

My One True Celestial Quarterback, your Plague of Disgrace shall be visited upon the Bush clan like locusts on arugula.  It's brilliant in its simplicity yet fierce in its application.  We will be rid of them once and for all and spare future precious generations the indignity of a President Not-Jenna Bush.

Ahhh-mennnn.